Compound

I've got mixed feelings about a lot of stuff now. I had a nap earlier, trying to offset my fatigue from... i don't really know what caused it. Probably because of my contact lenses which are getting worn down, i've been using them for four weeks. It seems like they don't last longer if you take them off and care for them. I may change them tomorrow or the day after. I'd rather have a full day's energy than use them one day longer. I also got some magnesium supplements today, since it seems like i'm not friends with this element and kind of need an extra helping. It's odd that you can find the same active substance in various forms and for triple the prices. I don't get this pharma industry. I mean, i know they want profits no matter what. The pharmacist was sad that i chose the cheapest supplement. It's just a jelly bean with a bit of magnesium in it, do you really think that i'll spend half my scholarship on it? Think again! It's not really *that* expensive, but it is quite a bit. And to think of the people who gobble up tens of pills a day. I'm against pills, but my lifestyle has been quite chaotic for the past almost six years, living in all the weirdest places, i've rationalized this decision. But taking all those other useless supplements that i once wrote about... That's just stupid. If you have the money to buy that shit you can reorganize your life and make room for a little bit of greener food and a bit more sport. And that is what i did with my own life. More sport, meaning i'll take the bike to the university every morning, now that i even bought myself a little pump (that was a useless investment, well, maybe not on the long run, who knows where it'll end up). I wanted to go dancing tonight, but i was too tired to get up from my nap and go out. I'm falling asleep as i'm typing, that's why it's going so slow. I did do some progress on our article today, the one about the quartz and stuff. Seems like my lab colleague left me the task of writing out our observations and conclusions about the results. I think it's for the better, since it would have been daunting to try and decipher what she's trying to say in English and translate it into a discernible bit of text. It's easier to just write those out myself. It's not easy to explain what's going on, though, since we're at a frontier in science and nobody really knows what the hell is going on in there. So i'm just pulling guesses. The funniest part is that not even the professor can tell my i'm wrong. He knows a whole lot about NMR, not so much about concrete and chemistry (that's my thing now). So he can agree or disagree with my/our ideas without giving a reason why. Let's just hope that it is what's actually happening. I won't make any bold assumptions, but one must make some when faced with hard facts. Yeah, i like the sound of that. Nowadays i see concrete everywhere. As a building material and as a concept of something durable and clear. Odd how the word has ramified in time.

I told you i had some mixed feelings. It's because i'm stupid and trying to keep up with my lovely friend is doing (you know that it's the same person because i always use some kind of cheesy adjective when talking about him because i can't get myself to call him anything else yet, since he's my friend and has been my crush for too many years so i can't really call him my crush any more, nor anything else), so i read his updates on this stupid social media. One day it's a nice one, the other is like a blow to the head. He shares my work with his friends (which is quite sweet, considering that his closest friends live all over the world and couldn't give a rat's ass about pretty flower accessories), then he posts some melancholic song about a lost love. It's like i could interpret it as a subliminal message, but i don't want to, since i'm not that important, or am i? And i can't ask because it makes me feel self conscious to the point that i'm too emotional about it no matter the answer. So if i care i shouldn't know the truth because it affects me? I want to know the truth, he doesn't want me to, because he thinks that i'll go crazy or something. I think that's a stupid assumption, since if i know the reasoning behind something, i won't think of all the alternatives. The best would be to just ignore all this activity. If something were directed at me, he should just tell me, right? But he won't, because he 'cares' too much to not tell me. This is a stupid loop and i must get out of it. My bike and my work are two answers to this problem. Just be the best you can every day, meet people, make stuff, enjoy the coming spring and don't forget about that magnesium. Somehow it makes my day brighter. Sucks to depend upon something like that. It's like coffee for other people. I can't stand its smell or taste and it also has a lot of detrimental effects. Tea helps, but only temporarily and it drives me into frenzies. I should give up all my sources of sugar, i think. Or just work out more. This is difficult.

I didn't say anything about the next characters because i wanted to get everything (part of it) off my mind, but it seems like it's going to have to happen in parallel. Every day i need this space for letting go of thoughts and ideas that don't need to pollute my mind (part of them go down into my work diary, but i can't put nasty thoughts in there because it stays in the laboratory overnight and over the weekends, so it's sort of public). But i also need to work on my project, which i can do after i reach my balance, zen so to speak and have warmed up my fingers.
Some more characters:

- the musician - she's also passionate about the environment and hands-on education, she's sporty and loves to ski (just like the engineer), hiking and spending time outdoors; she plays the violin professionally and teaches music lessons; she also sings and has a really nice voice which needs a bit more action (more training!); she's very patient and has the most contagious laugh, which she shares freely; she sometimes starts singing randomly; she's also very spiritual and can create a good balance with the more agnostic characters; oddly enough, the engineer shares some of her views on religion;
All of these characters have in common the fact that they mostly know each other quite well or they feel like they have known each other for their whole lives. They are all quite young (in their early thirties), but have been through a lot, even for their young age.
Who i also need are:

• the carpenter/handyman - someone who can teach everyone else anything about building and fixing stuff;
• the programmer - a person who's very much into anything relating to technology, knows the ins and outs of computers, servers, the internet, mobile phones and more modern technology - have two potential candidates, must analyze them a bit before allowing them to be my programmer, they need to be trustworthy; 
• the cook - i'm not even sure whether it's a gal or a guy, there a quite a few potential people who could fill this role - i might just end up inventing one from scratch, but i'm sure it wouldn't be as awesome as actually having someone who loves cooking and baking;
• other teachers - who? we'll see;
• the kids;
• the parents; 
• the locals;
• the professionals who visit for workshops;
• some others who i don't know right now...